If I Were A Butterfly. . .

. . . I'd thank you Lord for Giving me Wings. . .

I remember my Aunt Linda singing this song to me, oh, probably 30ish years ago now.  As I was seated in my daddy's lap, with the rest of the family gathered around these exotic relatives from the far away land of Montanta, I can clearly see the green/yellowish carpet in the old living room as my aunt was singing this song into my dad's silver microphone that was hooked up to an old silver stereo.  I intermittently glanced between my beautiful aunt whom I thought must be a princess, and the orange windows with funny lines and little blades going back and forth like windshield wipers as it recorded my aunt's chiming voice.

After my first son was born, I emailed my aunt to find out what this song from my distant memory was.  This was something that I HAD to be able to sing to my son!  She emailed me several stanzas, and I still only sing the butterfly stanza to my boys.  :)

Forewarning. . . I'm sleepy and contemplative.

After having an earlier conversation with my best friend about how I'm consistently awesome at exactly TWO things; 1.  I can justify ANYTHING and 2. No matter what happens, I can find a Silver Lining in ANYTHING; it made me think of this song.   Or, perhaps, thinking of this song tonight reminded me of the earlier conversation.  No matter which, I suppose.

If you don't know the song, it goes as follows:  


"If I were a butterfly, I'd thank you Lord for giving me wings. . . and if I were a robin in a tree, I'd thank you Lord that I could sing. . . and if I were a fish in the sea I'd wiggle my tail and I'd giggle with glee. . . and I JUST THANK YOU FATHER, FOR MAKING ME ME!  Foooooooooor, you gave me a heart and you gave me a smile.  You gave me Jesus and you made me your child, and I just thank you Father, for making Me Me.


Out of everything that has happened to me in my life. . . including but not limited to: sucky childhood memories (like everyone, I presume), at least a couple years of trying to find the answers in weed, alcohol and sex, an unplanned pregnancy (oops), a shotgun wedding (of which I heard a clear voice from God on my 'wedding day' telling me "NOOOO!!"), a son being born with a near-fatal heart defect undergoing open heart surgeries, a crappy marriage, another unplanned pregnancy (ooops again!), marriage still crappy, separation, unplanned pregnancy (GEESH, you would think I'd learn!!), divorce, overdose, rape, etc. . .   CRAPPY!  Right?  Admittedly, the crappiest part being that I cannot possibly begin to deny that my choices and actions were what lead up to a lot of the pain and suffering that I endured.

BUT, after ALL of that, (and a little more), I can still look back and find the silver lining in it all. . .  and the silver lining is that,


I.AM.ME!


No matter what other crappy things happen in my life, I am exactly who God wanted me to be.  There is not one person on this earth that is exactly like me, and to be completely and totally honest with you. . . I.AM.AWESOME!

I mean. . . even if my heart gets broken a hundred times over, or I get run over by a bus and happen to live, or one of my children dies before me, or 100 million other of the horrible scenarios that have run through my head at one time or another, happens. . . One thing is constant.  I'm still the awesome, strong, faithful woman that God meant for me to be. . . and I believe God when He tells me that there is NOTHING that I will endure that I cannot handle, and that He will be there right beside me, helping me through.

So, Yah!  Silver Lining, baby!  THANK YOU God for making Me ME!

(this post was brought to you by Insomnia International, and Delirium Enterprises. . . "When Sleep Evades. . We Make You Say SILLY Things!")